Have Faith, restart

To all the kaypohs in the world wide web:

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 03:46:06 GMT

HELLO.

THIS IS MY BLOG. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU CAME UPON HERE, BUT I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.

THIS IS A STRICTLY FRIEND'S ONLY BLOG

NO WAY AM I GONNA LIST OUT ALL THE PEOPLE I ALLOW HERE.

BUT YOU CAN TRY YOUR LUCK.

IF I ACCEPT YOU (knowing who you are), GREAT, YOU CAN VIEW MY PREVIOUS PRIVATE ENTRIES.

IF I REJCT YOU, DON'T CRY, THERE ARE MORE BETTER BLOGS TO READ OUTSIDE ON THE VIRTUAL WORLD.

Math does not work this way:

adding you as a friend does not equals to not bitching about you.

IF I DELETED YOU OFF, IT'S PROBABLY DUE TO ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING REASONS:

- i won't be making anymore private entries/this blog is for rotting
- and since i won't be making anymore private entries, and you're not one one of my blog stops, off you go.
- you're too bitchy, im kidding
- there is a need for me to type out your name in one of my more rare yet severe cases of bitching. (really rare)
- i feel that you're too young and innocent for explicit language
- i don't like you.

SIMPLE?!

YEAH MAN, OKAY BYE. TRY HARDER IF YOU'RE STILL SEEING THIS POST AFTER SENDING YOUR REQUEST :D

ON the other hand, I'm really nice if i know you. hahaha.

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:47:27 GMT

This is the way you left me

I'm not pretending.

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 08:56:00 GMT

my entire life is a joke.

it started when i didnt choose pingyi and got in.
wanted to quit ncc but couldnt
wanted a staff sgt rank, got it, but hated it
wanted a clt rank, got it, but not going for it

wanted to go to htm or lrm, but got fucking got into SR, 9th choice
wanted to be cool in jc, but couldnt make it by the 3rd week
wanted to join dance, but decided that im too fat, so i went for touchrugby vball trials. got in touch rug
wanted to be in the comp team and recre team due to self esteem at the same time, but i wanted to compete so, comp team.
wanted to execute the moves which i know, but i screwed them up.
wanted to do very well for promos, but no
wanted to study, but i didnt
wanted to spend my birthday alone, but i spent it with val & william doing work, and after val left, i spend 3 hours of my bday alone with william. wtf
wanted to study during the hols, but i played touch like free
wanted to pierce another ear hole, but didnt cos of rugby
wanted to be anti social, but i made friends
wanted to maintain friends, but got more than friends.
wanted to think about it, but wasn't left alone
wanted to go ahead with what i felt, but in the end, it wasnt what i felt
wanted it to be the way it is, but i got myself a brother
wanted to kill myself, but didnt had the balls to
wanted to slap this girl in my class, but didnt had the balls to do so
wanted to give everyone a hug, but was too shy to
wanted to get a fossil watch, but they stop production
wanted to slit my wrists, did it, but used a watch to cover them

i've been a holiday toy - twice, a bad daughter, a bad student, the student with bad attitude, the one that cant focus in rugby when tired, the happy and bubbly one, the emo and angsty one, the fucked up one, the chao ah lian, the bitch, the smiling one, the crazy one, the shoudong one, the nonsense one, the one that seems as if she'll never cry, the one that's always dumb, the backslider, the daydreamer, the troubled one, the problematic one, the substitute you could go for if you have no friends, the one that can never forgive, the one that provokes.

most importantly, THE joke. i wish i can be THE one in the positive side, but no, i belong to the negative side

for now,

i'll keep everything i wanted/want to say to myself.

Love PART 1

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 13:01:46 GMT

Sometimes we let affection, go unspoken,
Sometimes we let our love go unexpressed,
Sometimes we can't find words to tell our feelings,
Especially towards those we love the best.

That's why we often lose the people whom we love the most. Because we always have this mindset that we'll be happy if they are happy, even though their happiness sets upon our own misery. Our very own misery that we cast upon ourselves, just because we didn't express our love.

And who knows? That the other half might be feeling the same as you do, but however just waiting for your first move.

Time.
Trust.
Faith.
And most importantly, Love.

We're all too young for love.

Too young to judge Love.
Too young to experience Love.
Too young to be in Love.

Probably not.

Love is something intangible, unmeasurable, usually generous.

One sided is torturous, gleeful, painful, exciting, heart-breaking, sweet dreams, nightmares

Two-sided is sweet, floaty - the combination of everything positive. BUT, still, it's heartbreaking, uncertain, fake, without the assumption of ceteris paribus. (YAWNS)

According to many philosophers, the only goal of life is to be happy. And there is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.

OKAY, IM NOT THAT HAPPY AFTERALL :(

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 14:44:50 GMT

because everybody expects me to be happy

& that's why when i don't smile, they will know something's not right. and the truth is; something's really not right.

i don't know if that's good or what. because it means to be misunderstood & having people to care about you.

life rocks when you have teachers, parents & some 'friend's attacking you hard.

& a certain person, with a heart to heart talking session.

it's okay, i trust you. i really do. & im sorry & i thank you.

& i told him i slit my wrists. the most embarrasing thing was that; the slits weren't even deep.

uncertainty

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 14:58:51 GMT

assurance needed. :( i don't want the past to repeat itself again. if it's like a fling or whatever nonsense, good game for me. i'll probably go to the monastery for a moment. it's really very very hard to trust. although it's rather diff.

bahhh. once bitten twice shy third lynette dies. okay. i need to stop blabbering nonsense now.

it's all because of sylvia, who asked so many qn. & told me so many stuff abt xiangxiang & her. so sweeeeeeeeeet :D steal food huh? HAHAHA

my abdomen hurts. like free.

:(

mella foo scares the hell outta me.

if anything bad happens, i'll miss you, for real. seriously.

touch rugby is getting tiring. or maybe it has always been like this, just that it gets pretty tiring due to long school hours with long nagging sessions. :O & my beloved homework(SSSSSSSSSSSS) not done. & im like super tired. zhen shi de.

aim: befriend homework & math. i have no life. :(

this feeling of uncertainty lingers around me like death. it's rather intimidating at times. perhaps i should just follow what sylvia said, be optimistic. & stop feeling so inferior. kanasai la.

kns. HAHAHAHA. yvc for life (:

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 15:28:22 GMT

AMD GERALD, Gerald is irritating.... Neh neh. Do something about it.

like thanks ah saliva ho jia en

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 05:32:44 GMT

it's been said that
when God closes one door,
He opens another for you.

(: we'll seeeeeeeeee

let's just look on the bright side people.

training's starting. :O time to burn fats yo. haha! &homeworks are not done. it's okay, i'll dedicate sunday to it, after churching with elanatwinny :D & actually there's still 1st jan & 2nd jan. hmmmmmmmmmm

with you with you with you.

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 10:38:23 GMT

i don't know..

you will say you love me, tonight at noon

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 17:00:42 GMT

it's rather messy right now
cos i don't know what's happening around
things are going up
things are going down
and i dont know what to really talk about

i'm not having sour grapes
as im writing on this page
it's really over
gone forever
it ended before it begun
now, im all they way at the front

i'm not bothered by the past
cos im walking really fast
up ahead, i see broken bottles
and i stared at my broken slippers
i knew im bound to get hurt in the end
but still, i ran.

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 13:23:02 GMT

oh love, tmr's a beautiful sunday.

as much as i would be happy for the fact its sunday and i'll be meeting george and sirhan, george just had to sms sirhan, saying he needs to spend time with his gf tmr cos he's going for some retreat for about the whole week.

haha. fuck. (:

ggff huh!? than don't say that the 3 of us have not been spending time together. SIMPLE. when all of us has finally find time, you chose to meet up with your gf that you see almost 97345078 times more than me& sirhan together. sirhan, you're no better.

so when you finally organise your time, meet the both of your girlfriends&your inlaws, exchanged wedding rings, than you all can tell me when you have the time for the 3 of us. oh, please pick more than one date. cos apparently, i have my own life to live and im not at your beck and call. get that fuckers?

but looking as it is, it's okay if we don't meet up anymore. no doubt i'll think about you 2, but thinking about certain stuff is enough for me to congratulate myself for retreating back in this so-called friendship. stuff like this.

on a brighter note for someone else,

i just wanna say thanks for the companion for that few moments. as much as i was trying to shoo you off (LOL), you stayed.(HAHA) thanks for the crap and your presence beside me. (: you don't know how assuring that felt.

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 07:42:09 GMT

oh shit, tomorrows sunday.

sfkjuhaweoisudhfnasbdfhsdlajkshdhsadgasgdh.

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 09:47:12 GMT

i dont need your care
i dont need your concern
i dont need your goodnights
i dont need your companion
i dont need your smses
i dont need your nudges
i dont need your fights
i dont need your story
i dont need your mind provoking qns on life

i dont need anything that comes from you. even if it has something to do with rugby, I WONT WANT IT.

i dunno who is this directed at because 2 faces are currently in my mind right now. & coincidentally, both have done the same fucking thing. yay.

stop making me feel so special, because im not.
stop bringing me so high and then drop me off
stop making me feel happy by doing stupid lil stuff for me

just stop all these unorthodox doings.

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 15:41:10 GMT

i'm rather worried. i never liked people travelling away, or simply just saying goodbyes, the i-mean-it way. cos it's so scary, you never know whether will something happen to them unknowingly when you're not around.

obviously i know the fact that i cannot be everywhere, but at least if you're in somewhere near the vicinity, the tension & worries wouldnt be that much. of course i know you'll take care of yourself, but still, you might not find trouble, but trouble might be finding you. AIYA, such stuff cannot be foreseen. im feeling so auntie now. ):

ahya, all my friends pls take care. and dont forget to get something for me. HAHAHA

no la, on a serious note, TAKE GOOD CARE. BE IT IF YOU'RE IN SENTOSA, SINGAPORE, PULAU UBIN OR SOMEWHERE FAR FAR.

cos i can't lose anyone right now.

i managed

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:59:32 GMT

its the end of november. and no, he's still on my mind. shithole. but to a certain extent, i realise i can look back our memories with a very open mind.

thats for basics i guess.

it scares me to know something.

i always tell myself to stay away from him. better still, make him hate me by doing stuff he hates. but it's as if he's an xray machine. he'll scold me after knowing what i've done or probably grab my arm real tight and stare at me damn hard. but afterwards, he talks to me real nice. which sucks. cos thats not what i wanted.

and it feels that history is repeating itself. but this time, on someone else, involving me. doctor huh.

stop giving me the bull, all the false hopes of saying that you'll be there.

where the fuck were you when i needed you the most? somewhere
where the fuck was i when you needed me? right beside you, but you turned away.

HEHE, my life is so exciting.

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 15:16:21 GMT

'You forget what you want to remember and remember what you want to forget'

sighs. hello, my dear friends. (: a newly added friend at lj, valval. :D or should i say, YMCA.

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 15:16:27 GMT

i opened 'create post' at blogger. and realised i've nothing much public to say to people. hence, i came here.

heh.

i think i'm like reaching the limit for certain people. okay, maybe not. maybe it's just that people around me are getting a tad irritating. then again, maybe i was just pmsing on that day. but it seems that i'm not the only one feeling like that towards that particular person, yo.

it gets pretty much offending with the tone that the person's using. but hey, its my friend! and we were kinda cool with one another before. maybe its me. like im damn sensitive to all these cheechongfun shit stuff. and i seriously dont give a damn whether its raining with thunder or lightning and i can't play.

i seriously think its me now. i have problems with everybody! oh man. i should just die. no. she is a nice girl. maybe i caught her at the wrong timing. or she caught me at the wrong time. but whatever it is, its just not the same. sometimes, i don't understand myself.

wait, i never understood myself.

oh, and hello tiayu. sup yo. and sup neh neh. you 2 are the only honoured ones. (((:

and guys, you all should really behave. stop flirting around when you're attached. its kinda disgusting. no, not kinda, its the ultimate disgust.

i kinda miss george. now i can openly type his name here. george george george. george of the jungle, friend of the zoo. cos no one really knows what happened. and he won't come here. but many stuff has changed after the whole process of people leaving & entering. its kinda hard to believe that we were actually that close before. to the extent of me thinking that we would remain like that, forever. and i mean, forever. but now.. let's just say, the best part of me meeting you till now would be the past.

and i think, we will probably remain liddat la. which is so sad. to think i cried. to think. eh i sound sarcastic. wtf.

okay, what else?

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:01:32 GMT

i seriously find those people who randomly add you on msn through friendster are damn irritating. its irritating to the max times ten to the power infinity. and i can't possibly blog about this shit on my another blog because i had insanely put up that damn url at friendster. and i bet that guy frequents that blog as if he was eating. OMGOSH. SO DAMN IRRITATING!!!! okay, i'll shut up. i deserve this virtual stalking anyway, who ask me kay kiang go and post my url there. and if i were to remove it now. i bet they're gonna ask me why. aiyer. its damn chee chong fun. argh!

you see you see! i seriously have to think twice about telling people about this blog. to think askjfhlsd was threatening me to tell him about this blog. neh neh.

i think i'll just tell tylvia. for now. no, perhaps forever.

yes. maybe her.

okay. shut up.

now, i have one drunken soul who's talking to me on msn. on stuff which i dont even know. weird shit i tell you. my friend somemore. i remembered the last time one of my friends got drunk, he lay on the chalet's floor and said, "lynette, why your floor so cold.."

cheechongfun.

sometimes, the person who should care, doesn't care. but the one who shouldnt be caring, cares.

surprise

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 15:23:04 GMT

hello to whoever is reading this.

i won't be surprised if nobody actually reads this blog. afterall, i doubt any single soul knows the existence of this blog. probably the account might be known to a few, cos of tylvia. but hey, account and blog, no link okay. its not as if everybody's like me, who will click on the username which will then bring you to the user's blog. nsjklabfheksjadybg

as you can see, i've put in a slight effort in altering the html codes for the colour and place of this ulu blog of mine.

perhaps one day, i'll publicize this blog. lol. one day eh.. maybe just one day.. cos... im... like... falling...in...love...with...lj. *awww.

but i guess, for now, i'll just stop by to make some random posts or to rant or say out some shit secret i have. or probably, just to aid in making me feel better. yeah. that should probably sum up the existence of this blog. make me feel better. this sounds cool. teeheehee.

no, being a single child isnt good. trust me. so when you grow up, please give birth to like at least 2 kiddos? if not, your only child has a very best friend. no problem with that? yeah, me too. you can't see her best friend. (:

okay la. walls make a good buddy too(:

you should go befriend a wall.

go, now, go! (:

hmm

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 12:51:37 GMT

like every other person on this earth, i'm trying out new things. being born with itchy fingers and a mind like a cat, curious like shit, i've applied for live journal. TEEHEEHEE. i'm liking the font and the posting shittos down here, comparing to blogspot, however, it's rather empty. there isn't any archives. and it's rather impossible to move my archives from blogspot over to here. therefore, there is a high chance that i'll be probably staying at my homely blogspot.

how propaganda-ish. whatever.

being a first timer, and never having an experience where i have to do a full detailed introduction on myself, i shall do it on this such ulu webpage of mine. like who even knows about it? eh come to think about it, why bother doing an intro on yourself when no one's gonna bother, or people don't even know that such a person exists.

so dumb.

till then,

if it doesn't get closed down, i might just come back here to vent frustrations. like you know. howl out my pain & agony & secrets. nobody comes here anyway. and even if there are, it would be strangers..